Wow. Time flies. Everything is going so fast and honestly, it breaks my heart! I knew it was going to be fast, but not this fast. I feel like a cartoon character that is digging his heels into the ground trying to stop with a cloud of dust behind me.
I really am enjoying the ride! Much more than I thought I would. I don't know if it is because I am not a first time parent or I just lucked out tremendously... But I am enjoying these two babies more than I ever dreamed possible. Not that it is easy, it's a far cry from easy. But it is fun! I just love taking care of them and seeing them grow. Brynn has been an amazing big sister and loves these babies every bit as much as I do. She is such a great helper and sometimes a little too overwhelming to them but means well. I haven't even seen the slightest bit of jealousy! I love my kids.
So I have been back to work for two weeks now. Two weeks too long if you ask me. It breaks my heart to drop them off at "school" every morning. I absolutely loathe waking my three sleeping children every weekday. I no longer cry every day (ok, just a couple times) but I still hurt. I never dreamed I would feel this way.
Growing up, both of my parents worked full time. I was always encouraged to "be whatever I wanted to be!" I never really knew what I wanted to be, but I felt I could do it! I went to college, changed majors a couple times, graduated, got a job and started paying off all those loans. Jeff and I got married, bought a house, had baby, upgraded to a bigger house and started on baby 2. Now with three kids, working full time and paying for daycare... I can't help but feel like I made mistake somewhere. My priorities are out of whack. I don't care about spending 45 hours a week at a job. I want to spend time with my family! My kids! Shit.
Honestly, never considered that I might feel like this. I really didn't. I didn't feel as strongly when I just had Brynn. I don't know why. I think maybe it feels triple as hard because I have triple the kids. I keep wrackingmy brain, trying to figure out how I can stay home with them for a while. Ya know, until they turn into little monsters and I want to go back to work...
